Getting back the life I had before anxiety
There has been a before and after in my life since anxiety arrived. I know it's hard, but that's the way things are. Although I consider that I've always been a person who overthinks, there came a time when these patterns turned into worries, fears, and then anxiety. First came work anxiety, where I felt I had to deliver everything on time and well, or else I would lose my job. Then with it came the fear of the future, What if I'm not that good at what I do? What if I lose my job? What if...?
Then that fear of losing my job became the fear of failing in general, losing my friends, family, partner, and even my life. But hey! If you're reading this, you surely understand how little thoughts suddenly become catastrophic alternate universes running through your head, and that's not ok; it doesn't feel good, and it should not be happening.After living like this, long, tired, heavy, sorrowful, for one year of my life, where I effectively lost friends, close people, weight, desire, vitality, and a long list of etceteras, I decided to change my lifestyle. I thought, What was my life before anxiety? I wanted it back, and not just that, I wanted to make it better!
First, I remembered the good in my life before anxiety. For example, going out at night with friends without worrying about anything, or making an important decision, like moving, without being paralyzed by change, or even meeting new people, chatting with strangers, and I said to myself, I want that back!
I start trying to do all of these again. Although this exercise was good at first, I must accept that it's not a deep, self-knowledge exercise. Yes, I was having fun with friends again, "without worrying" about anything, but trying to avoid my thoughts or problems. My job changed, and I was able to move from one town to another, but I never did actual research on the area I would live in, trying to avoid extra worries and duties. I could converse with strangers and seemingly socialize but only talk about trivial topics. What about that? Well, now it seems all bad again, right? But no, it is not. It's just realistic. It's what happened; of course, living without anxiety had all its advantages, but now this was my life, and trying to go back before anxiety wasn't the right path.
So if I want my life to be better, I have to do better. In addition to meeting new people, reconnecting with old friends, and being more present in my family's life, I started walking four days per week. Going out for 20 minutes and being in contact with myself has helped me understand my real fears and overcome those that are just an invention of my insecurities. I began my CBD journey along Innergreen six months ago. The Immune Booster and the 1500 Tincture have helped me keep calm even on those busy days. I can say that Innergreen helped me retake control of myself. I'm new to CBD, but it feels like it has been part of my life for a long time. My family, friends, therapist, and now Innergreen is changing my life.
Today, I think that anxiety came to teach me something. What is it? I haven't finished discovering it yet. But if I'm sure of one thing, it came to show me that changes are good, that I don't have to want life the same as the one I had before the anxiety. I'm sure it wasn't right either. It came to show me that a new and different life awaits me out there. I don't know, but I am confident that I will listen to myself more before making any decision or plan this time.